On my way home, I was very aware of the fact that I had just had crystals glued to my vagina.
VAJAZZLERS: PLEASE STOP TELLING ME THAT YOU HAVE GLUED CRYSTALS TO YOUR VAGINAE. Although I am far more familiar with the vajazzling process than I ever hoped to be, every single time I hear “crystals on my vagina” THIS HAPPENS:
1. What the hell! Crystals lining your vaginal wall! OW! What is the point?! This will hurt everybody, and you will not see it!
2. Oh, right, when people say “vagina” they actually mean “vulva.” What the hell! Crystals on your vulva! OW! What is the point?! This will hurt everybody, and it cannot possibly be very pretty!
3. Oh, apparently, when people say “vagina” they actually mean “any part of a woman remotely near her vagina”? So, in this case, we’re talking mons pubis. What the hell! Crystals on your mons pubis! What is the point?! But I guess at least it won’t be painful… until they fall off into your underwear, and end up in your vulva (and vagina?!) anyway.
IN SUMMARY: WE ARE NOT YET A SUFFICIENTLY INSANE WORLD TO GLUE CRYSTALS ONTO ACTUAL VAGINAE. We still restrain ourselves to bedazzling only women’s outer parts. PLEASE DO NOT RAISE FALSE ALARMS RE: THE DECORATIVE-VAGINA APOCALYPSE. I would like to enjoy my last few years of sanity in peace.
